10 Sex Cravings All Guys Have
There are certain things your man needs to be satisfied in the sack but just won't ask for. But we're sharing our findings with you...
By Jennifer Benjamin
While men might brag to their friends about the kick-ass sex they're having, they rarely get into specifics. And when it comes to actually divulging their secret desires to the women in their lives...well, they're even more tight-lipped.
But they will tell Cosmo — in large part because they know we'll pass on the information to you. So we spoke to a bunch of guys and experts to find out what tops men's bedroom wish lists. Though every dude has different needs, "there are some universal sex moves and attitudes that most men want but don't know how to request," explains sex therapist Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of MyPleasure.com. To learn about his carnal longings — and how to satisfy them — read on.
1. HE WANTS A GIRL WHO CAN TURN HERSELF ON
Women, as you know, need time to get revved up. Although your man may be more than willing to pull out all the stops to get you hot, he wouldn't mind if you gave yourself a running start. "A number of women still believe that it's solely a man's job to arouse them," says Georgia sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD. "To have a really fulfilling sexual experience though, you have to put some effort into getting yourself into a sexual state of mind."
To give your libido a boost, draw on the same sources of inspiration you use during solo self-pleasuring missions. Once his seduction scheme begins, close your eyes and fantasize about a hot encounter you had with your man...or even some other dude. "It's totally okay to think about another sexual partner when you're trying to turn yourself on," reassures Brame. "You just might not want to tell your boyfriend about it."
2. HE WANTS SEX TO BE FUN
Unfortunately, real-life romps aren't as seamless as they are in the movies. "Things don't always go smoothly during sex — some positions don't work, and odd noises happen," says Gardos. "If you get hung up on a mishap, it will ruin the mood. But if you can both laugh, it becomes a light bonding moment."
Chas,* 28, agrees. "One night I tried a new move that wasn't executed properly, and my girl hit her head on the nightstand! She didn't hurt herself, so we could joke about it, and then we got back to what we were doing."
Frisky fun is about more than damage control though. Make a silly bet to be paid off in sexual favors or play a board game naked in bed and agree that the loser has to grant the winner one lusty request.
* Names have been changed.
But they will tell Cosmo — in large part because they know we'll pass on the information to you. So we spoke to a bunch of guys and experts to find out what tops men's bedroom wish lists. Though every dude has different needs, "there are some universal sex moves and attitudes that most men want but don't know how to request," explains sex therapist Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of MyPleasure.com. To learn about his carnal longings — and how to satisfy them — read on.
1. HE WANTS A GIRL WHO CAN TURN HERSELF ON
Women, as you know, need time to get revved up. Although your man may be more than willing to pull out all the stops to get you hot, he wouldn't mind if you gave yourself a running start. "A number of women still believe that it's solely a man's job to arouse them," says Georgia sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD. "To have a really fulfilling sexual experience though, you have to put some effort into getting yourself into a sexual state of mind."
To give your libido a boost, draw on the same sources of inspiration you use during solo self-pleasuring missions. Once his seduction scheme begins, close your eyes and fantasize about a hot encounter you had with your man...or even some other dude. "It's totally okay to think about another sexual partner when you're trying to turn yourself on," reassures Brame. "You just might not want to tell your boyfriend about it."
2. HE WANTS SEX TO BE FUN
Unfortunately, real-life romps aren't as seamless as they are in the movies. "Things don't always go smoothly during sex — some positions don't work, and odd noises happen," says Gardos. "If you get hung up on a mishap, it will ruin the mood. But if you can both laugh, it becomes a light bonding moment."
Chas,* 28, agrees. "One night I tried a new move that wasn't executed properly, and my girl hit her head on the nightstand! She didn't hurt herself, so we could joke about it, and then we got back to what we were doing."
Frisky fun is about more than damage control though. Make a silly bet to be paid off in sexual favors or play a board game naked in bed and agree that the loser has to grant the winner one lusty request.
* Names have been changed.
Mattress pointer: Learn how to laugh at goofs.
Tamara Schlesinger
3. HE WANTS YOU TO DROP HINTS
When it comes to pleasing the women in their lives, every man wishes he had ESP (extrasexual perception). But the truth is, your libidinous longings can be baffling. "That's why a guy loves it when you're able to guide him without barking out orders," says Gardos.
So when giving erotic instruction, throw in some positive reinforcement. "Tell him how good it feels when he does something right, or remind him of a technique that always gets you off," suggests Brame. "If he's not giving you enough foreplay, ask him to use his hand or mouth to warm you up, saying that you want to draw out the experience."
4. HE WANTS TO WATCH
For men, what they see is almost as good as what they get, so make sure to give him an eyeful. "One time during sex, my girlfriend led me over to a mirror so we could see ourselves in action," remembers Tyler, 21. "I found it really sexy, but what made it hotter was how into it she was."
Another way to turn him on with sight: Keep some clothes on. Sometimes men prefer when you leave a little to the imagination. "Sexy lingerie can be as arousing — or more so — as being nude, because it builds anticipation," says Bob Berkowitz, PhD, coauthor of When Men Stop Having Sex.
More great views: you in girl-on-top position or, if you're feeling brave, touching yourself in front of him.
5. HE WANTS YOU TO BE NAUGHTY
Even if you're a bad girl at heart, you might hold back with your guy. "Women are often afraid to get naughty in a relationship, because they don't want to shatter any 'good girlfriend' image he has or they don't want him to think they're weird," explains Brame. "But men want to see that no-holds-barred side of you — they just don't want to offend you by asking for it."
What dirty-girl tricks fit the bill? Pretty much anything that shows him how much you like sex and how much you want it with him, says Gardos. To let him know you're into him, grab his butt hard when he's climaxing or gently nip his shoulder.
You may also want to do something unexpected, like initiating a new position or trying a passion prop. "My girlfriend and I were out shopping when she suggested we check out this sex-toy shop," Nick, 27, says. "We ended up buying this thing called a penis sleeve, which is basically a thick, bumpy condom. Not only was it fun to use, but I loved how eager she was to try it."
When it comes to pleasing the women in their lives, every man wishes he had ESP (extrasexual perception). But the truth is, your libidinous longings can be baffling. "That's why a guy loves it when you're able to guide him without barking out orders," says Gardos.
So when giving erotic instruction, throw in some positive reinforcement. "Tell him how good it feels when he does something right, or remind him of a technique that always gets you off," suggests Brame. "If he's not giving you enough foreplay, ask him to use his hand or mouth to warm you up, saying that you want to draw out the experience."
4. HE WANTS TO WATCH
For men, what they see is almost as good as what they get, so make sure to give him an eyeful. "One time during sex, my girlfriend led me over to a mirror so we could see ourselves in action," remembers Tyler, 21. "I found it really sexy, but what made it hotter was how into it she was."
Another way to turn him on with sight: Keep some clothes on. Sometimes men prefer when you leave a little to the imagination. "Sexy lingerie can be as arousing — or more so — as being nude, because it builds anticipation," says Bob Berkowitz, PhD, coauthor of When Men Stop Having Sex.
More great views: you in girl-on-top position or, if you're feeling brave, touching yourself in front of him.
5. HE WANTS YOU TO BE NAUGHTY
Even if you're a bad girl at heart, you might hold back with your guy. "Women are often afraid to get naughty in a relationship, because they don't want to shatter any 'good girlfriend' image he has or they don't want him to think they're weird," explains Brame. "But men want to see that no-holds-barred side of you — they just don't want to offend you by asking for it."
What dirty-girl tricks fit the bill? Pretty much anything that shows him how much you like sex and how much you want it with him, says Gardos. To let him know you're into him, grab his butt hard when he's climaxing or gently nip his shoulder.
You may also want to do something unexpected, like initiating a new position or trying a passion prop. "My girlfriend and I were out shopping when she suggested we check out this sex-toy shop," Nick, 27, says. "We ended up buying this thing called a penis sleeve, which is basically a thick, bumpy condom. Not only was it fun to use, but I loved how eager she was to try it."
6. HE WANTS A "WOW, WHAT WAS THAT?" EXPERIENCE
To separate yourself from the pack, you'll need to pull a move so wild, he won't be able to stop thinking about it the next day. "If you've mastered one particular technique that's really hot and different, the entire erotic experience will stand out in his mind," explains psychologist Joel Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie.
Now, you don't have to bust out a complicated trick best used by yoga instructors — just tweak an old standby, say, switching between oral sex and intercourse...with him blindfolded.
You may also want to come up with your own signature mouth move. "When my ex-girlfriend would go down on me, she took her time exploring the whole area with her tongue," remembers Peter, 32. "And she did cool stuff with it, like alternating between using the flat part and then covering the same territory with just the tip. It was an entirely different sensation!"
7. HE WANTS TO MIX THINGS UP
Repetition can make once-hot sack sessions seem ho-hum. So be open to varying things in bed. Any change in speed, pressure, or position will make the act more interesting and pleasurable. "Variety keeps him in a heightened state of arousal because he never knows what to expect," says Block.
During foreplay, wrap your fist around his member (with lube!), moving it up and down with long, smooth strokes. Then add your other hand, and gently twist both hands in opposing directions. When you get to intercourse, start off slowly in missionary. Next, rest your feet on his shoulders for deeper thrusting. Finally, roll over, and let him enter you from behind.
8. HE WANTS NOOKY OUT OF NOWHERE
"You'll win big sexual points with your guy if you spring sex on him out of the blue," says Gardos. "It gives him a huge ego boost by reinforcing the fact that you're really hot for him."
For a spontaneous seduction, ask him to pull over to a deserted spot for a roadside romp when you're driving home one night. Or at a party, take him into a back bedroom or closet. Joe, 23, remembers a naughty surprise attack at a black-tie affair. "My date and I were sitting down at dinner, and she slid her hand under the table and began to pleasure me — right in the middle of the meal! It was so spontaneous and unexpected. I could barely sit still," he recalls.
To separate yourself from the pack, you'll need to pull a move so wild, he won't be able to stop thinking about it the next day. "If you've mastered one particular technique that's really hot and different, the entire erotic experience will stand out in his mind," explains psychologist Joel Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie.
Now, you don't have to bust out a complicated trick best used by yoga instructors — just tweak an old standby, say, switching between oral sex and intercourse...with him blindfolded.
You may also want to come up with your own signature mouth move. "When my ex-girlfriend would go down on me, she took her time exploring the whole area with her tongue," remembers Peter, 32. "And she did cool stuff with it, like alternating between using the flat part and then covering the same territory with just the tip. It was an entirely different sensation!"
7. HE WANTS TO MIX THINGS UP
Repetition can make once-hot sack sessions seem ho-hum. So be open to varying things in bed. Any change in speed, pressure, or position will make the act more interesting and pleasurable. "Variety keeps him in a heightened state of arousal because he never knows what to expect," says Block.
During foreplay, wrap your fist around his member (with lube!), moving it up and down with long, smooth strokes. Then add your other hand, and gently twist both hands in opposing directions. When you get to intercourse, start off slowly in missionary. Next, rest your feet on his shoulders for deeper thrusting. Finally, roll over, and let him enter you from behind.
8. HE WANTS NOOKY OUT OF NOWHERE
"You'll win big sexual points with your guy if you spring sex on him out of the blue," says Gardos. "It gives him a huge ego boost by reinforcing the fact that you're really hot for him."
For a spontaneous seduction, ask him to pull over to a deserted spot for a roadside romp when you're driving home one night. Or at a party, take him into a back bedroom or closet. Joe, 23, remembers a naughty surprise attack at a black-tie affair. "My date and I were sitting down at dinner, and she slid her hand under the table and began to pleasure me — right in the middle of the meal! It was so spontaneous and unexpected. I could barely sit still," he recalls.
9. HE WANTS TO TAKE YOU
The best way to bring out the sexy beast in your guy? Initiate some take-me-I'm-yours action. "He'd love to be raw and animalistic with you, but he needs to know you want it too," says Brame. "Kiss him seductively and then pull away, saying that if he wants more, he can come and get it." During the act, you can also tell him "harder" or "faster" if you feel like he's handling you with kid gloves.
Dave, 24, was totally psyched when a woman asked to be ravaged. "An ex-girlfriend lay down on the bed and begged me to rip off her clothes, which I did. The sex was great, but letting me tear her shirt in half was the best part because it was passionate and intense."
10. HE WANTS TO DO NOTHING SOMETIMES
On the flip side, occasionally men prefer it when you take over. Lying back while a chick has her way with him is an ultimate guy fantasy.
Just ask Brian, 26: "I was dating a woman who was sort of a bookworm. But when I got her into bed for the first time, she was wild. Before I could even try to take off her clothes, she threw me back on the bed and blindfolded me with her bra," he remembers. "Then she gave me the best oral sex ever. I didn't have to lift a finger."
For a softer approach, Brame suggests treating your man to allover titillation: Have him lie on the bed naked. Then, starting at one foot, kiss and lick your way up his leg and along the crease where his thigh meets his torso. Next, move to his side, up to his neck, and down to his main event. When you're ready for intercourse, treat him to reverse-cowgirl so he can't help you, even if he wants to. Trust us: The payback will be awesome.
The best way to bring out the sexy beast in your guy? Initiate some take-me-I'm-yours action. "He'd love to be raw and animalistic with you, but he needs to know you want it too," says Brame. "Kiss him seductively and then pull away, saying that if he wants more, he can come and get it." During the act, you can also tell him "harder" or "faster" if you feel like he's handling you with kid gloves.
Dave, 24, was totally psyched when a woman asked to be ravaged. "An ex-girlfriend lay down on the bed and begged me to rip off her clothes, which I did. The sex was great, but letting me tear her shirt in half was the best part because it was passionate and intense."
10. HE WANTS TO DO NOTHING SOMETIMES
On the flip side, occasionally men prefer it when you take over. Lying back while a chick has her way with him is an ultimate guy fantasy.
Just ask Brian, 26: "I was dating a woman who was sort of a bookworm. But when I got her into bed for the first time, she was wild. Before I could even try to take off her clothes, she threw me back on the bed and blindfolded me with her bra," he remembers. "Then she gave me the best oral sex ever. I didn't have to lift a finger."
For a softer approach, Brame suggests treating your man to allover titillation: Have him lie on the bed naked. Then, starting at one foot, kiss and lick your way up his leg and along the crease where his thigh meets his torso. Next, move to his side, up to his neck, and down to his main event. When you're ready for intercourse, treat him to reverse-cowgirl so he can't help you, even if he wants to. Trust us: The payback will be awesome.
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